


until all the news is good

by Carrotspirit



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Insomnia, Mental Health Issues, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-18 03:27:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28985583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carrotspirit/pseuds/Carrotspirit
Summary: It’s three in the morning, and Barry Bluejeans has never felt more awake.
Relationships: Barry Bluejeans/Lup
Comments: 1
Kudos: 19





	until all the news is good

It’s three in the morning, and Barry Bluejeans has never felt more awake. Next to him, Lup sleeps soundly, a luxury for her after a decade of incorporeal existence. Her breathing deep and steady, she curls around him as if instinctually.

Rationally, Barry knows he should feel proud that she’s back, that even in this new world of infinite possibilities and peace she chose _him_ to wrap herself around. He knows from their conversations that years of existing as the vapor of an elf, as the wisps of emotions that she could muster, had more than taken their toll. He has finally succeeded, years of tireless work and planning and dying over and over have finally paid off.

Now however, rationality loses out to the delirium of the hour. Barry is overjoyed to feel Lup’s arms around him yes, but he has also more than gotten used to being alone in his decade of searching, and his body had not yet let go of those years. Hyperaware of every breath that Lup takes, of every millimeter where her skin presses into his, Barry feels _trapped_. Physically, literally constrained in the perfectly curated softness of their bed. His breath quickens and he gulps roughly.

He can’t move—he can’t. Lup hasn’t slept this well in weeks and he isn’t about to be the one to ruin that. This is the good ending, the one he’d pictured so many times in that cave he could barely stand to think about now. How stupid, how ungrateful, would he have to be to reject it, even tacitly.

The guilt of his thoughts tightens Barry’s chest further. He clamps his mouth shut, teeth grinding harshly into each other to try to stop the harsh sounds of air leaving his mouth hard and fast. It’s hot, it’s too hot. Lup’s usually comforting body heat is boiling him alive, his skin becoming too small for his body. Desperately, he presses his free hand against the wall their bed leaned against. The coolness of the stone is grounding, if only for a second.

He’s shaking now, he knows he is. He tries to take a deeper breath through his mouth, hoping that would soothe his brain into stillness. Instead of a deep breath however, air enters his mouth through a too-loud gasp. _Shit_.

Lup’s ears twitch at the noise as Barry slaps the hand from the wall over his mouth. In a normally comforting move, Lup subconsciously moves to snuggle herself deeper into his arms. That, it seemed, is the last straw for Barry tonight. He chokes out a sob as his brain goes into overdrive documenting every spot where the two touch. His blood seems to double in volume. His lungs feel like they will burst like balloons in a matter of seconds.

”Bar?” Barry feels Lup speak more than he could hear it. Her warm breath burns against his ear as he gasps violently once again, the sound muffled by the hand still pressed firmly over his mouth. His eyes dart wildly to the other side of the bed and yep there she is. Lup, awake, eyes half-open.

“Barry. Hey don’t—” He watches in horror as she makes an aborted gesture to peel his hand from his mouth, stopping just inches short. Seeing Lup’s obvious discomfort Barry moves his hand to the blanket below him, grasping the sheet tightly in his palm.

“I—I can’t—sorry I’m so sorry I—” mutters Barry desperately. He digs one of his nails into the palm of his hand, hoping the sharp pain will be jarring enough to bring him back to coherency. Fuck. He’d woken up Lup and now she’s worried and he can’t tell her why he was like this. He hardly knows himself.

“Hey it’s alright, you have nothing to be sorry for,” Lup’s voice is softer now, her eyebrows scrunched together as she considers her boyfriend. “I can go get you some water? If it’s okay for me to leave?”

Seeing Barry nodding sharply, Lup rises from the bed and pads out of the room, into the kitchen. Barry knows that she could easily mage-hand some into their bedroom but is grateful for the moment alone. He curls himself into a tight ball, hands clasped around his knees.

_Get a fucking hold of yourself Bluejeans_ he scolds himself mentally. Furiously, he scrubs the tear tracks off his face. His breathing calms down as he takes a moment to relish in the feeling of his body pressed against only the sheets.

As he hears the soft sounds of Lup’s bare feet walking back towards the bedroom, Barry uncurls himself slowly and props himself up against the wall. He manages a soft smile as Lup comes into the room, and takes the glass of water from her hand gratefully.

“Nightmare?” Lup prods gently as Barry sips the water tentatively. He laughs bitterly in response.

“Never fell asleep. Just my brain being stupid.”

Lup’s eyebrows do the scrunching anxiously thing again and Barry feels another rush of guilt at himself for catalyzing her worry.

“Your brain isn’t stupid, babe” she replies after a moment. “I for one happen to think it’s pretty great, seeing as it’s part of you and all.”

Barry opens his mouth to protest but before he can think of a coherent response Lup leans over, kissing him lightly on the cheek. Her touch doesn’t burn anymore, doesn’t even itch.

“Let’s talk more about this tomorrow, yeah? It’s too late for deep conversation right now anyway. Plus, reaper or not, humans do have to sleep yeah?”

“Yeah” Barry acquiesces. “Thanks for the water babe, I really appreciate it. Sorry for waking you up.”

“Nah you’re good. Any more beauty sleep and nobody in Faerûn would _ever_ have a chance to keep up with me, you know?” Lup crawls back under the sheets, settling in next to Barry but pointedly leaving a few inches of bed between the two of them.

Grateful for the space, Barry places the now empty glass of water on the bedside table and slides down the wall back into bed. “You could never sleep again and still beat them,” he chuckles softly. He closes his eyes, inhaling deeply.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all for reading! I haven't written fic in over six years, but this show and these two especially haven't left my head since I first listened a few years ago. I hope y'all are staying safe <3


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